Hyper-Achiever Mindset

Welcome to Leading by Design!

Hello, and welcome to Leading by Design! If you’re new here, add your email to ensure that you receive my next piece in your inbox, and if you want to read more of my posts, check out my archive here!

👏 Today, in 5 Minutes or Less

• Learn how to identify hyper-achieving tendencies in yourself and others.

• Gain insights into the impact of hyper-achievement on personal well-being and relationships.

• Discover strategies for supporting hyper-achievers and fostering a more balanced approach to success.

👉️ Did You Know

In the fast-paced, rapid-growth, results-driven world of tech, it's easy to fall into the trap of hyper-achievement, where self-worth is defined by external success.

While a relentless pursuit of excellence can lead to remarkable accomplishments, it often comes at a heavy price – sacrificing personal well-being, meaningful relationships, and genuine happiness.

Do you recognize these traits in yourself or your colleagues?

🧐 Traits of a Hyper-Achiever

• You set impossibly high standards for yourself and dread falling short.

• You think you must be the best at what you do, and if you can’t be the best, then you won’t bother. 

• You feel worthy when you are successful, and others think well of you.

• You experience your emotions as a hindrance to your productivity.

It’s a Shock

Unsurprisingly, tech companies attract hyper achievers to work for them because delivering results at speed meets the unmet needs of restless achievers.

Overdeliver results consistently, and you are rewarded generously through bonuses, stock issuance, salary increases, prestige through promotions, expense upgrades, and access to power.

😧 The Lies Hyper Achievers Tell Themself

It’s heady stuff, and once you get on this high-octane treadmill of performance growth and wealth creation, you want to keep reaping the rewards at any cost. Sometimes, you justify your behavior by telling yourself some version of the following:

• It's important to me to be successful. That’s what it is all about. I feel worthy when I’m achieving success and producing results.

• I don’t get close to people. This way, they don’t see I’m not as perfect as the image I portray.

• My personal feelings distract me and don’t help anything.

When you start to believe these lies, there is a cost to you and those around you.

Impact on Self and Others 👀

Burnout and health problems: The constant pressure to perform can lead to chronic stress, exhaustion, health problems, and even burnout. The more you work, the more you take on and push down your emotions and the people and things that distract you from work.

Loss of emotional depth: Ignoring your feelings can lead to the inability to form meaningful connections and a lack of personal relationships.

Unhealthy work-life balance:  Your focus on achievement often comes at the expense of engagement in healthful activities, self-care, or hobbies. 

Fleeting peace and happiness: You may experience brief satisfaction following achievements, but these feelings are often fleeting. Finding lasting peace and joy may illude you.

Conditional self-acceptance: Self-acceptance is often contingent on external validation and success. You may feel unworthy when you fall short of your expectations or fail to meet external standards.

🧠 The Psychology Behind Being a Hyper-Achiever

The original survival function of hyper-achievers often comes from being raised in an environment where love is conditional on achieving, obeying the rules, and having good manners. Even with very approving or caring parents, love can depend on performance. 

This way of thinking, feeling, and reacting to patterns becomes soft-coded in your brain through neural pathways. When these neural pathways are triggered, you are “hijacked” by your restless achiever to feel, think, and act using this pattern. 

According to author Shazard Chamine, hyperachieving behavior acts as a guardian to help us survive real and imagined threats to our physical and emotional survival as children. By the time we are adults, hyper-achieving behavior has become an invisible inhabitant in our minds that we don’t always need. 

If you or someone you know depends on consistent performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation, has unsustainable workaholic tendencies, or has lost touch with their emotional and relationship needs, here's an alternative way to support yourself and others and still achieve great results.

 💖 Supporting Hyper-Achieving Tendencies

Practice Self-Compassion: To help recognize your inherent worth, practice self-acceptance and self-love, regardless of accomplishments. A good reframe is to care for yourself how you treat others. 

Acknowledge and Accept Emotions: Emotions are integral to the human experience, so allow yourself to feel them without judgment. A good reframe is to track when you notice your feelings.

Prioritize Self-care: Find something that supports your relaxation and well-being. A once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you will engage your body, mind, and spirit.

Foster Open Communication: Find a place to safely share your vulnerabilities without fearing repercussions. Working with a therapist or coach will empower you to speak freely and honestly about what is happening inside.

Seek Support: Surround yourself with understanding individuals who encourage and support you to lead a healthy, balanced life. And for the people who don’t have your best interests at heart, let them go from your life.

🤗 Supporting Hyper-Achieving Colleagues

Create a Supportive Work Environment: Foster an environment where individuals feel valued for their contributions beyond their achievements.

Promote Work-Life Balance: Encourage colleagues to take breaks, utilize vacation time, and prioritize their well-being.

Seek Training and Resources: Provide stress management, coaching, emotional intelligence, and work-life balance training and resources.

💥 The Short Of It

As humans, we sometimes make bad decisions even when we know there is a strong possibility that the odds are not in our favor. Just because someone asks for your time and talent, the decision to agree or disagree remains with us. 

My friend and writer Stacy Johnson told me recently that I wish there were a life navigation system on our phones, tablets, or laptops. That way, you would know when to make decisions that completely change your direction toward living better lives. “Poor decision warning, say no to hyper achieving. Press “change” to be rerouted to a happier life or “continue” to stay on your current trajectory of spending the next five years digging yourself out of emotional depletion. She makes a great point!

Success is not just about achieving external goals; it's also about finding fulfillment, balance, and meaningful connections in life. By embracing a more holistic approach to success, you can break free from the shackles of hyper-achievement, cultivate a genuinely fulfilling and enriching life, and still thrive as a creative leader working in tech. 

That’s it for this week!

If you enjoyed this piece, subscribe to get the next one in your inbox, and check out my archive here.

Any topics you’d like to see me cover in the future? Just shoot me a DM or an email.

With ❤️ from Sally

PPS Would you like to receive more leadership strategies?

Here are a few ways I can help:

• Claim your free copy of the Personal Planning Workbook "Sally's Soul Searching Research Guide” and discover how to unlock purpose and direction in the areas of your life that are in your control.

• Book a free coaching session for 30 min. strategy call

• Apply to sponsor an upcoming issue of Leading by Design

• Contact me with feedback and suggestions for future topics